Discernment In Everyday Life

As we practice discernment in the second half of life, it’s important to develop a habit of applying discernment to our everyday choices. We likely have fewer major life decisions ahead of us, but we also feel more urgency about ensuring that our remaining years are full of meaningful days and moments. This requires making conscious, deliberate decisions on how we spend our time.

It’s all too easy to let the days pass, keeping ourselves busy with whatever activities occur or focusing on the inevitably long to-do list associated with managing our health, finances, and home. Sometimes, we ignore opportunities to make a choice (maybe unconsciously) and let circumstances dictate our lives. But that leads to months and years slipping by without us feeling fulfilled with our lives and having an uneasy sense that there’s nothing to look forward to. Perhaps we might even think this is an inevitable consequence of aging! But one day, we will recognize that somewhere along the way, our daily actions have diverged from our beliefs. This realization can give us motivation to change.

Fortunately, St. Ignatius provides us guidance on how to use discernment in our everyday life. We can gradually introduce these practices, let them grow, and become more familiar so that, over time, we transform into a more discerning person whose head, heart, and hands are all in alignment.

David Lonsdale describes the process of applying discernment in our daily lives.¹ “Discernment of spirits in everyday life involves us in a process of sifting our daily experience by noting and reflecting regularly on our affective responses to God and to life and its events…the purpose of observing and reflecting on these patterns of responses is that they deepen our sense of ourselves and they can show us where, for each of us, our Christian path lies, where the Spirit of God is leading.”

Essentially, we learn to pay attention to when we feel consolation and desolation and then act based on this knowledge. As a reminder, Ignatius defines consolation as a state that draws us to God or helps us be less self-centered and more likely to extend ourselves in generosity, service, and love. In contrast, desolation is a feeling that draws us away from God and leads us to be more self-centered and closed off to God and other people. (If you need a refresher, here is where I introduce the concepts of consolation and desolation.)

In his book The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living, Timothy Gallagher outlines how we can view this as a three-step process:²

1. Be Aware – notice what is happening in your thoughts and feelings.
2. Understand – recognize what is of God (consolation) and what is not (desolation).
3. Take Action – accept and live according to what you’ve recognized as of God and remove from your life what you’ve identified as not of God.

As much as I love a simple three-step process, a few more points can be helpful. First, once you start to pay attention, you’re likely to discover a lot of thoughts and feelings at any given time. Not all of these are inner spiritual experiences. Learning how to identify what isn’t and let it go will take some time. You don’t need to discern everything.

Second, it’s unnecessary to determine why you are feeling a certain way or even precisely identify the feeling (joy, confusion, doubt, etc). The important point is in what direction the feeling is leading (i.e., towards God and others, or away).

Third, St. Ignatius describes some typical ways the false spirit works. This can help you recognize the false spirit’s influence when it first starts. And it’s easier to resist temptation when it first begins rather than letting it grow into something more challenging to resist.

• Demanding or petulant like a spoiled child. Wanting what we want, just because we want it.
• Desiring to keep the feeling, temptation, or doubt secret. Only when it’s out in the open can this be thoughtfully examined.
• Targeting your weak spots. Be aware of your weak areas and how you will likely be led astray. We all have our own particular vulnerabilities, but in time, you can recognize when these are being triggered.

This practice sounds deceptively simple. But I often find it challenging to remember to discern in the moment. Sometimes, I notice being in a moment of consolation or desolation, but this is still rare.

So, I set aside time each day (even weekly can be helpful as you start this process) to review my day and recognize feelings of consolation/desolation that I missed. (The Examen prayer is specifically designed to help with this.) The more I review my day and learn my specific patterns (particularly around how desolation typically appears), the better I get at detecting consolation/desolation closer to when it occurs.

So be patient with yourself. This is a huge mind shift and will take time to happen. And as much as I wish it were otherwise, it isn’t something you can master by reading about it. You need to experience it and practice it.

Also, remember that it’s not all or nothing. Anything you do to move in this direction is a good thing! Any increased awareness will start to make changes in your life and likely make it easier to keep applying these practices.

A Closing Prayer

God, help guide me as I start trying to use these discernment techniques. I need Your grace to develop awareness of consolation and desolation as they occur in my life. Help me be patient in learning these skills and have faith that they will get easier with practice!

Amen

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Footnotes

1. David Lonsdale, Eyes to See, Ears to Hear – An Introduction to Ignatian Spirituality (Maryknoll NY: Orbis Books, 2000), 95. ↩︎
2. Timothy Gallagher, OMV, The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living (NY : Crossroad Publishing Company, 2005), 17. ↩︎