Discernment For Big Decisions

A natural place to start applying discernment of spirits is with significant decisions. What defines “significant” is very individual, but any decision where the choice isn’t completely clear or when you feel conflicting feelings or desires is a good candidate for discernment. (If you start the discernment process but quickly realize you have no doubt about what choice to make, then it isn’t necessary to follow the entire process. However, it’s wise to do some thoughtful testing of the decision before committing to it.)

The process puts together all the previous discernment topics we’ve been exploring:

• Get quiet and into a state of indifference (as much as possible!)
• Gather data
• Pay attention to feelings of consolation and desolation as you consider your choices
• Come to a tentative decision

GET QUIET

If you have a decision to make that isn’t clear, your mind is likely troubled or agitated. So, the first step is to get quiet and more calm in your thoughts. I know – easier said than done! It often helps me to remind myself that I am now starting the process of taking constructive action on this decision and am no longer caught in a swirl of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Spend some time in prayer or meditation, focusing on becoming indifferent to the options (i.e., let go of any preferences you think you have, be open to considering each option clearly, including being presented with an option you might not have already considered).

GATHER DATA

This is the time to collect information on your choices. Get advice from people you trust. Sometimes, a choice appears to be between two options, but as you gather data, you might discover other options you haven’t considered. This stage can take a while, but be aware of your tendencies toward collecting data. If you typically rush to a decision, you should take extra time in this phase. But if you delay a decision because you always feel like you need more info, set yourself a deadline.

PAY ATTENTION TO CONSOLATION AND DESOLATION

One at a time, consider each choice. Imagine each option and what good possibilities could come from each. Since we often are quick to see potential downsides, deliberately consider best-case scenarios. Notice what you feel – which option leaves you feeling peaceful? Which leaves you with agitation? Which makes you feel excited about the future? Ideally, one option will leave you feeling a sense of peace and an undeniable certainty, while the allure of the others will fade.

COMING TO A TENTATIVE DECISION

These steps usually lead to a tentative decision that feels right. Mark Thibodeaux describes it like this, “Often, after many hours of prayerful deliberation, there will be a moment when a person just knows. It will feel not as though I am making a decision, but rather as though I am acknowledging a decision that my heart has already made.”¹ At this point, one option starts to feel realistic and right, and the other options begin to lose their appeal. Some of the other options may still seem more beautiful, comfortable, or safer, but they don’t fit as well and will begin to fade. You have your tentative decision.

IF THIS DOESN’T LEAD TO A DECISION

Suppose you’ve followed these steps and given the process enough time (which will vary depending on the particular decision) but don’t have a strong sense of consolation that leads you to a choice. In that case, St. Ignatius suggests doing one or more of the following steps to reach a decision:

• From a mindset of indifference, create an analytical, reason-based pros-cons list. Discernment is based on both faith and reason, and if there is no clear sense of consolation leading you to a decision, then leverage the reasoning part of the process. Ask for God’s help in using this list to make a decision. And remind yourself that often there is no perfect choice!
• Imagine yourself as a mentor to someone attempting to make this decision. What advice would you give?
• Imagine yourself at the end of your life – looking back at your life. Which choice would you have wished that you had made?

Once you’ve made your tentative decision, Ignatius says there is one additional step – confirming your decision. That’s coming up next.

A Closing Prayer

God, as I experiment with following the discernment process, guide me through each step of the process. Help me be aware of what I find challenging and what feels more natural. Let me use this self-awareness to improve my process. If I get frustrated or stuck, provide me the resources I need to keep moving forward (whether it’s a deeper patience with myself, or wise guidance from a trusted mentor, or something else that shifts my perspective).

Amen

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Footnotes

1. Mark E. Thibodeaux, SJ, God’s Voice Within – The Ignatian Way to Discover God’s Will (Chicago IL: Loyola Press, 2010), 187. ↩︎